Someone once told me that I have a gift for expressing my feelings through animal pictures.
I believe them.
Today this cat represents me. It would be even more accurate if this cat were wearing ramen-stained sweat pants and oversized glasses.
I’m overwhelmed, I have a huge to-do list, and yet, the only thing I want to do is play Fez and/or quit school altogether and travel the world. My motivation level is officially at -200.
My sweet husband even tried to coach me in a de-stress activity:
What the heck, is bothering me.
Sadly, it did not work, but he was successful in making me laugh.
So now, I must take things into my own hands.
- Peel myself off the couch.
- Drive to the nearest store & purchase coffee.
Attempt toForce myself to disconnect from social media.
- Kick this Unit Plan’s butt.
It doesn’t matter how overwhelmed I currently feel, because eventually, most likely at the very last minute (a.k.a. 2 a.m. Tuesday morning), everything on my to-do list will be accomplished…one way or another. Not because I am motivated, but simply because it needs to be done.
I can’t help but wonder why I find myself in this motivational rut every. single. semester. You would think that after almost six years, I would have this college thing down to a science. But, alas, I don’t. A part of me doesn’t really care anymore, and at the same time, a part of me cares too much. I care too much to actually say, “I give up.” So I trudge along, and wait for the next semester of classes, and try my best to maintain a 4.0.
I think back to my very first semester of college when I didn’t care at all. I thought I knew everything, and I drank too many energy drinks, and ate too many burgers from McDonald’s. I failed a music history class, and I only thought about this one boy who knew how to woo me with Switchfoot songs, and in the end, only disappointed myself.
Since then, I have had a great fear of failure, and of slipping back into my old apathetic ways.
I worry myself when I have days like today.
Days like today make me worry that I won’t have a high enough GPA for those special golden graduation cords, and every picture meant for pride will only remind me that I could have worked just a little bit harder.
And then I take a deep breath, and drink a cup of coffee with Girl Scout Cookie creamer, and I remember that one school year of failure and self-disappointment does not define who I am today, on April 5, 2014.
I took a year off from college, and after that year was over actually went back, which I’ve heard is a pretty big feat. I’ve shown myself that I can be academically successful, and I was strong enough to let go of that Switchfoot singing boy for someone who suits me just a little bit better.
I need to remember these things, because if I constantly dwell on my failures, I will eventually become one.
For now, I will continue to remind myself that the semester is coming to an end very soon. (Oh, God. Help me.)
I will not dwell on the past. I will do my best. I will make it.
And I won’t always feel like this cat, falling off the table.